2008 Tuesday Night Ride - June 24, 2008 -- Death Ride

By Tom Clark

What a STOOPID ride! Great fun!

This really has got to be about the best worst way to have fun on a bicycle. Six of us met up at Steele Creek on CHSR, and headed off down Juniper, just like last week. Just like last week, after the first hill on Juniper, we took the little four-wheeler trail up the hill. Regrouping took little to no time, so we kept on, riding out the subdivision roads and up Tungsten. Eventually we took the new connecting road over to Gilmore Trail, and continued on up the hill. (For a more detailed and vibrant description, see last Tuesday's write-up.)

On the way up the hill, Jim Brader regaled us with a tale of when he was sixteen or so he thought that it would be a lark to shoot at his bike with a target pistol from 100 feet. He had a tough time hitting anything, so he figured that his bike was safe. Later, when he went to ride the bike, he found that somehow there was a hole through the fender, in one side of the tire and out the other... We howled with laughter.

At the transition from pavement to dirt, Geoff Orth stopped to pick up his shoes that he'd forgotten on Saturdays ride (see June 21's ride report). He didn't have anything to carry them in, so Jim Brader put them in his saddlebag. We rode on up the hill for a good two miles, then took the left turn at the big "Y".

Almost immediately, we got our feet wet. There was a big damn puddle that I tried to ride through, and it turned out to have a pretty dodgey, rutted bottom. I came off the bike and presto, wet feet. A couple other riders suffered the same fate. Right after that, Geoff swapped his dry shoes for the wet ones in Jim's saddlebag (they'd been rained on for two days straight.)

Eventually, we got to the top of the big hill. I noticed a trail off to the side that I thought might go to the bottom, but after convincing everyone to go that way, it ended up petering out and not being what we wanted to do at all. So, we rode to the bottom, and I tried the trail that heads up towards Victoria Creek, to the north. It seemed fine, and should probably be ridden to see what comes of it.

After inspecting and pontificating knowingly about the mining equipment at the bottom of the hill, we proceeded into the swamp. This was a wet one. Some years we go across the swamp, and it's not bad, but this was a gloppy experience. All that rain yesterday really helped out. Jeff Gimbel almost landed in a pile of muck after going over the handlebars at the end of a heroic crank through tussocks. I think all of us were hoping that he'd roll into the goo...

All the way through the swamp, various people tried various stunts, though not all at the same time. Eric Troyer attempted the deep puddle with the good bottom and was up to his headset in no time. Almost made it, but the climb out was too steep. He attempted all the rest of the puddles too, which was great fun to watch.

Finally, with the swamp behind us, we ground up the long hill to Smallwood Drive. We tried a few of the detours on up the hill, but we always ended up back on the road. Somewhere near the top, we found ourselves ensconsed again by a Jim Brader tale, this time about his first few days in Fairbanks. He was on his bike, camping, and really hungry. He saw a fat kid, and figured that the kid would know where a buffet was. Kid said "Yeah! There's this great place called the Royal Fork where they've got roast beef AND chicken and it's all you can eat!" Jim found the place and stuffed himself silly to the point of barfing up his blueberry pie -- but only the blueberry pie -- the rest stayed put.
Eric Troyer was laughing so hard he almost fell off his bike.

At the top, we took a right, past the little "farm" and then a left onto the trail marked "trail" and enjoyed that until it dumped us back out on Smallwood. We rode down Smallwood and back on CHSR (some of us cooler guys took the multi-use trail while the lame-o's took the road.)

Refreshments were enjoyed by all, and we agreed that however stupid the Death Ride is, it is so entertaining that we gotta keep it on the schedule. Doug Burnside would be proud.